I want another…

angelbaby

See that beautiful baby boy there. He will be 9 years old in 9 days.

How?

Where has time gone?

I feel like he was just a baby and now he is almost to double digits. Ugh, I don’t even want to think about double digits.

My sweet baby boy. My only baby boy.

My only  child.

I never planned for him to be an only child. Growing up I always said I wanted four children at least. I always dreamed of having a big family. My husband even said he wanted four kids. Perfect, we agreed on it.

Thing is, we don’t always get what we want. We had one. And haven’t had another since.

I have been asked ” would you even want another with this big of an age gap?”

I would. In a heartbeat.

I always imagined my children being close in age. Playing with one another, laughing with one another. Hitting and fighting the way children/siblings do.

Now looking at it, if we had another it would be so different since there is a big age gap, but I do believe it would still be wonderful.

P having a little brother or sister to look after. To help with, show the baby how to crawl and then walk. Be on the cheering side when it does something new. Give baby hugs and kisses when they are hurt. Help show them this beautiful world we live in.

People say, “maybe it’s just not meant to be.”

Maybe, but only God knows that. Only he can decide how many of his beautiful gifts we are able to give life to.

People asked, ” Are you trying still?”

Well in the last nine years we haven’t prevented it from happening. We leave it up to Him to decide. Maybe He knows we have not been ready yet. Maybe He knew something we did not know. Maybe He knows if we will be ready for another and when.

I know I don’t want to wait too much longer. I mean P is almost 9 years old. If we had a baby this year, the baby would be 9 when P is 18.

People ask, ” could you imagine starting over now?”

Yes, I really could. When P was born I worked full time. I went back to work 8 weeks after he was born. I was lucky though. Even though I went back to work, I went to work with him. I could check on him any time I needed. That is how it was for the first 2 years of his life as well.

Now I am a stay at home mom. I could imagine doing the midnight feeds again, the 2am feeds and the 4 and the 6am feeds. I could imagine cleaning up a blow out in my favorite baby outfit again and having to rush to the store because diapers are low and you just don’t want to take that chance.

Why? Because being a parent is so much more than all of that. Could I imagine starting over? Yes, because I could imagine all the love I have to give another. I can imagine all the fun moments we could have together as a family of four. I could imagine P learning to be a wonderful big brother instead of an only child. I could imagine it because it is something that I want. Something that I know will make me thankful for.

Does that mean we will get it? No. It does not. But we can hope and pray that one day, just maybe, we can add one more bundle of joy to our nest.

 

 

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